do you feel the wind watching you?
    the moon's monsoon exhibitions
as wraiths consume our wrinkled bodies
    beyond venn diagrams, the disjunction between you and yours,
        vivisected and given a patch of drywall for you to become.
when the holes open, do you confess them to the counselor?
    three chairs are juxtaposed in the crowded bus; you, alone in the middle,
        wishing for an oar, a first mate to be your deliverance.
you wish for him as your helmsman,
    a hard port to starboard,
howling wind howling sin, harshly wailing,
    "you aren't welcome here, you do not belong,"
        "existence is a rebellion, an unforgivable mistake,"
            "you'll fail, you'll give up, you'll deal in, you will sink anyway."
as the seafoam, chopped in the wake of your disfigured course,
    licks the lobe of your ear, trailing slime,
        like the hungry men, in your bed before you learned to drive.

you only know alone in that packed room of better-looking brown,
    marooned on a windswept island in the queer sea,
        a hanger-on in the moonlight, a remnant of the party, an S.O.S.,
yearning for a ship to pick you up,
    for a lyft from a merman to be your handsome, aquatic uber,
        for mitski's siren song to blare about the knife,
            for peering over trenches, and fantasizing about the deep.
you pass charybdis and scylla, girl-bossing your new odyssey,
    a chorus of indie filipino american girl jams, chanting over your skiff.
your red blood stripes into the murky blue, tattooing the sea with a dividing line,
    your sails propelled, filled by bad habits and destructive behaviors,
        your tongue eagerly engaged to the man from the sea,
            your abba interlude, the remastered fantasy soundtrack, fading into the background,
                          
            as he, ocean lover, too recesses into your abyssal imagination.
        awash into reality, the tyrannical sofa in the counselor's office chokes you.
    ripped apart by hegemonic tides, delusions, contemptuous breeze,
the friendships, the partnerships, the mentorships, the relationships,
the neglected ships in your despaired disrepair.
built for escape and abandoned when worn.
the ships you ride
    to escape.